My father use to say, " Cannot visit with the living don't bother the dead." It had no meaning to my youth until lately. Now in my 40's, I realize time doesn't stand still, nor does it make way for the wherry. Time is always changing and always moving us forward; willingly or unwillingly. The times with our children, ever slipping by into their restless teenage years to the endless adult years. for my dad, his light was always bright and unyielding, like the trees in the meadows. Some would say, a weed in the concrete: always stubborn on its place in the world.
Some would ask, " Why now?" Why have the remorse now? I do not have any remorse for my father or any whom pass into the next step of our path. Each life is a new experience, a new uplifting moment or a new spiral download. For each of us, we have our own path. Our own ups and downs, no need to share with others because they cannot help guide you. The only help others can give is assurance and support. No one has lived your life for you, and no one will suffer your consequences.
Only by way of your actions can you help prevent grievous circumstances in your life, future and path. My life I have no remorse for anything I have chosen on my path, My future is set in stone and my life is blessed. When you reach a sense of knowledge about yourself, everything else falls into place and blessings become patterns in the colors of people you surround yourself with.
To bother Death, you must avoid the living. The idea of people not visiting their loved ones until after the fact is a base off a humanity wrong. A lot of the human race cannot confront our loved ones growing old so naturally when they pass, it becomes a missed opportunity. As we evolve as a species, we become less mobile with our cell phones, computers and smart tv. Unfortunately our elderly parents and grandparents have been left behind and sometimes don't understand the reason for being "left" behind in the computer age. Leaving an unsettled effect on older humans, making them linger after they let go of their human vessel to become a spiritual being. Some stay a very long time hoping to get their glimpse if the "one" they wish to say good bye to.
The "One" being that one person who the had a lasting connection with, like twin spirits, a deeper then life commitment to that now is passing. Some willing stay in the vessel "coma" until that time has come and then they let go. Some wait for others to tell them, "It is okey to go." Their commitment to life out does any generation after them. This was the last committed generation that knew what waiting meant; knew time spent well was worthy of it. They have lived life so well they can and will wait forever just for the "ONE" to show up.
To the mind of our older generations, if you cannot take the time to visit me while I am alive then don't come bothering me in the grave! They truly mean it, as their generation spent hours gardening the grave site of the ones that past. I can remember numerous times as a child taking flowers, dirt and mulch to the cemetery, countless hours digging up grass and laying out new mulch or placing a grave blanket over the ancestors. Still to this day, I visit the grave sights now just to check on the stones as for my life has been spent living in the moment and not dwelling on the past. I check my favorite stone of my aunt, a cherub that stands 4 ft high, the base sinks and has long ago destroyed the 40's black n white photo. From time to time I ask for it to be raised up. My grandparents cremated on top. My great grandparents on the others side of the cemetery, I drive an infinity sign around the grounds. It seems lately I have been checking to see the Tree which stands a few feet away from our lots, she grows so tall and her limbs hang very low almost to the ground. The tree is like a marker all itself.